It's odd, how I feel about Doug.
Every so often I'll send him an email (I sent one a few days ago because I saw that the weather in St. Louis was terrible), and then he'll email me back, and that will have fufilled our communication quota for the next half a year.
Let me be clear that I believe myself to be fully over him.
His last email to me implied that he now lives with his girlfriend in an apartment in the city (assuming that they don't have many apartments in the boonies of Missouri). And that they took a trip to Chicago earlier in the year.
It's a weird feeling, how uncomfortable this makes me. It's like I don't want him to be happy - ever - and I certainly don't want him being close to anyone else. I'd rather him come crawling back to me, only to be shut down in a most brutal fashion, and then live out the remainder of his days far away from civilization.
We would often talk about things like travelling and moving into our own little apartment in the city. I feel like someone else is living my dream. Or maybe that he's living it without me.
And of course I feel increadibly pathetic that he's got a girlfriend and living in lovey-dovey bliss and here I am, single almost two years. I wonder if something's wrong with me.
I guess my question is why does something like him living with his girlfriend bother me? It shouldn't if I'm over him, right? But if I'm not over him, why is it that I don't feel anything for him at all?
I feel like I'm wanting some kind of satisfaction, some kind of closure. But I don't know what more there could be, or how I would go about attaining it.
John Mayer really needs to write a song about this...
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