I've been thinking a lot about things that I want to write about - global warming, various articles I've read, The Devil Wears Prada, all kinds of things. But this one takes precidence.
I found out yesterday that my parents will be moving to Ottawa in August. My dad wants it to be sooner, but mom doesn't think she can get things organized quickly enough. That, and she doesn't want me to have too much time inbetween my moving and my starting school (not busy enough, and too much time to be sad).
I wasn't surprised to hear this news. I knew ages ago that I would be moving this summer, I just had a feeling. That being said, it's still hard when speculation turns into reality. Two months ago I had no clue what I would do or where I would go, but within the last few weeks I've come to realize that New Westminister is the place for me.
Why would I want to move there? Well, I don't, not really. But it seems to be where God is directing me. It's also the only place that I can afford, and the only place where there are transport links to everywhere that I need to go (UBC, Ladner). I also know more people there than I do anywhere else.
My initial reaction was to be upset. I'm sad about it. I don't know what I'll do without my mom. But I've got an overwhelming sense of comfort about it. I have a feeling that this is going to be the beginning of the rest of my life.
I cracked open my Bible that night, and found myself turning to Psalm 31. A few verses stuck out, this being the main one:
But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, 'you are my God!'. My future is in your hands. Psalm 31:14-15
The sermon today was all about trusting in God. One thing the pastor said that stuck out to me was that we learn in the good times to trust in the bad times. This isn't exactly a bad time, but it certainly is hard.
I'm trying not to be scared.
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Many scholarship deadlines are May 15th. Before then I have to write several essays. The first one should be pretty interesting. I have to answer one of six questions, all of which are pretty good questions. The one that I have chosen is about the changing face of Canada, and the people that live in it. It asks how personal and official conceptions of identity have changed over time.
I think it is referring to the past 100 years or so, when drastic changes have come about. Woman being enfranchised, attitudes towards First Nations people, the ethnic makeup of Canada, that kind of thing.
I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, but it will probably have to do with the chaning of personal and community values, and the effects on society as a result. We have turned into a very individualistic, pleasure oriented society. But rather than it being an "identiy revolution", I would say that the changes have been more gradual. Generally a revolution is a sudden change, not something that creeps up on us slowly. It's kind of like going for a walk - each individual step is not necessarily big, but when you look back after a while you're quite far away from where you started.
I'm finding that I've had a lot less to write about as of late. I think it's because I've been talking to people more, and as a result don't feel like restating myself over the internet.
I want to remind everyone to drink their milk. Calcium is important.
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Well, it's about that time again.
What time, you ask?
Testing time. Only this time it's not a test, it's a midterm - you have three midterms before you test for second degree - and it's coming up on April 27.
So, everything seems pretty good. My form is coming, my self defense is coming, and my memorization is coming.
However, that leaves us with board breaks. I found out today that I have to do two two inch breaks, not just one this time. Which scares the crap out of me. I tried two today - a palmheel and a hammerfist. I suceeded in smashing through the palmheel like it was nothing, and bruising my hand on the other. So I broke one out of two.
Tonight, I'm getting mentally prepared for this midterm. There's no way I'm going to let breaks be the reason that I can't midterm. These ones I will break. Two inches, I will do it.
I've kept one piece of wood from every testing since blue belt (the first testing that you break wood at). Every piece I get Mr. Hanger to sign and date. I pulled them out to look at tonight, just for some inspiration. Sometimes he writes little things - "congratulations", "great break", that kind of thing. But every so often he wrote something a little bit more personal. The first time I broke wood it didn't go well. It took me what felt like a million tries. On that piece he wrote "1/2 a piece of
many". On another he wrote "perseverence, determination, indomitable spirit".
My form felt overwhelming at first. It was really difficult. The improvement I've made on that within the last six months has been amazing. I need to look at breaks the way I did my form. This is not an insurmountable obstacle, even though it may feel that way.
It is not the critic who counts - not the person who points out how the strong man stumbled, nor how the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph and who at worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt
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