That depressing post has been up for long enough, I think.
Life has gotten much better since I last posted, at least in most aspects.
My birthday was fantastic. The best one in memory, I think. Joy and Jan invited me over for dinner and invited one of my friends. It was an amazing meal, complete with wine and chocolate. I don't know how I forgot to invite Chris :S
What made my day so amazing was that it was filled with unexpected cards and gifts. Both work and my housemates got me something. Even my birthday dinner was not organized by me, but by people who wanted to let me know that they love and care about me.
Last year when I left it up to my friends nothing happened.
I got a bunch of gifts, too, everything from a bottle of wine with a card that read "legal at last!" to a pair of lovely red shoes. I've been gorging myself on chocolate the entire week and my waistline is most definitely beginning to feel it. I've had to take temporary leave of jogging due to a back spasm, but I'm starting again on Monday.
The weather has been gorgeous the past few days. I feel like our luck is running out. On days when no one's around I tend to head up to
Fletcher Moss Gardens with a book, although today I wandered around the center of town for a few hours. Today I wore my first skirt of spring, most definitely a noteworthy occasion.
That's about all I have to say right now. Life is good, good, good. Although poor. I'm out of money - and open to accepting donations.
And the cute guy at the vegetable store is named Paul.
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Be warned, the following entry is emotional and depressing.
Easter weekend has come and gone.
I underestimate my emotions. Preparing for the weekend I actually thought that I would be fine. But I wasn't. Some days were ok, but today was without a doubt the worst.
I am really, really lonely today. It's Monday, the house is still empty, and who knows where my friends are. No one's called to see how I'm doing, I doubt I've even entered anyone's mind.
Within the last two days I've called a few people at home. I chatted for a bit to Mrs. Laura and her mom. Laura said that they loved me and they miss me. Laura, you have to understand, is not an emotional person. She has never told me that she loves me ever. It's just the way it is. And yet I understand that I am as loved as any member of her family. She's been my friend for seven years, and I've never been so touched.
I tell my friends that they are important and special to me quite a lot. I try to, at least. If not through words, I'll do something for them. These courtesies are rarely returned. And it's on a day like today that I really, really needed someone to tell me that they were thinking about me. Anyone. In any way.
I hate that I have to be reliant on people. I hate that I can't be independant. I hate that I can't be alone for a few days and be ok. I really do need other people to keep me happy. A phone call or a letter or a card means so much to me. Even more so because of the situation that I am in.
To anyone and everyone who is reading this: I love you, and you are important and special to me. If I have ever made you feel otherwise I apologize. If I've ever made you feel the way I feel right now, I am very sorry. Know that I care about you and my life would not be the same if you were not in it.
I'm not expecting anything for my birthday. In fact, I'm expecting everyone to forget it, just like they did last year. If you want to send me a card you can get the address from my mother. But don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes up. It's better that way so that they don't have a long way to fall.
So tonight I feel alone, lost, rejected, and unloved. I know it's not the case, but it's how I feel. I don't want to be in Vancouver, but I don't want to be here either. The only place I want to be is sitting next to someone who will let me cry on their shoulder, and who will tell me that they love me, and that everything will be alright.
Don't worry. I'm not holding my breath.
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Ok. New post for you all. I do apologize for my lack of posting. It's really not my fault. I don't have easy access to a computer. And the last time I was let into the church to use theirs I set off the alarm. So consider yourselves lucky.
This weekend is Easter. I had two sets of plans, both which fell through. I had one backup which also fell through, and then yet another backup which fell through as well. So in the end I am going to waste my four day weekend being sulky, sad, and alone.
This Easter will be the first holiday I have been not been at home. Maybe if I have faith the Easter Bunny will bring me chocolate. But in all likelyhood I will wake up on Sunday morning terribly depressed from the lack of human contact that I will have this weekend. My housemates are gone, Chris is gone, Joy and Jan are gone. And most of them leave tomorrow.
So what are my plans? I've got some tourist info for Manchester. I suppose I'll go to the museum. And maybe some shopping. I suppose I'll sleep as well. Doesn't that sound exciting?
Oh, England. Think of me this weekend, and again in thiteen days when I will officially be 19.
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