So there's this guy...
I've had a crush on him for a little bit. I met him dancing. He's 22, a Christian, he lives close to me, he's cute, intelligent, and has a great sense of humour.
I've been spending a bit of time with him (everything I can make an excuse for - carpooling and such), and have had a blast. We've had great conversations and really all I want to do is spend as much time with him as I can.
The problem is that in a week he leaves to do a year of school in Ottawa. This could be worse. At least my dad works in Ottawa. But still, it seems like I always go for the ones that are not available.
This, of course, hasn't stopped me from spending time with him. It's hard when your head and heart say different things.
So tonight we went dancing. It's about a half an hour drive each way, and we also went out for food afterwards. I had a phenomenal time. At the end of it he asked me if I want to go out to the movies tomorrow. My heart jumped, of course, and I said yes. But wait - I've got work.
So I get asked out by someone whom I have a limited amount of time with and whom I really like, and I can't because of work. The frustration is almost unbearable - it's almost as strong as what I feel because he's leaving.
Even still, it's really nice to feel something strongly for someone again. At least I'm alive.
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I go through so many different emotions on any given day. I go from extremely upset to carefree and happy. From loving being single to being intensely lonely. From wide awake one second to mellow and exhausted the next.
No, this isn't PMS. This is stress.
The housing situation is taking a toll on me. In addition, school is starting in a little more than a week and I don't feel prepared. Mom is away visiting dad, my housemate has been out a lot, my sister's in another province. I feel like I've got a lot to deal with, and no one to help.
So I try not to think about it all. When someone asks me about how I'm doing, I shrug it off. I think about all this stuff when I'm alone, so why would I want to when I'm with others?
I know I have to deal with everything that's going on, I just don't know how. This isn't a situation I have a huge amount of control over. I think that when I find a place to live it'll be easier.
I guess I just have to take it one issue at a time. And in the meantime, go dancing.
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I am currently watching The Karate Kid. It's a late night movie on channel 25.
The movie is about a kid who learns karate in order to defend himself. It's interesting, though, because the bullies that attack him are black belts in karate, and all in the same class. The instructor is himself a bully, and is teaching his students to have no mercy, no respect for authority, to be arrogant, etc. It makes me think about the amount of influence that instructors have upon their students, and how we can really help ideas and concepts to take root in their lives.
Anyways...
The housing situation is precarious. Mike and I went to the Residential Tenancy Office on Friday, only to find out that we are not covered under the act (due to a loophole). Essentially we have no rights in this situation. And so we've decided that we're going to leave as soon as possible.
I had a dream that Mike and I walked into an apartment and knew instantly that it was the one. It was just special. There were loads of windows, it was pretty spacious, and it was at the very top of an apartment building. It was a little expensive, but still affordable - and it was perfect for both of us.
This is quite a contrast to the dreams that I've been having more regularly. They've generally been quite stressful; I had one about me teaching a class of 300 students that weren't listening, and another where I had an allergic reaction and my throat and my tongue swelled up. Needless to say, when I woke up I didn't exactly feel rested.
I've been feeling a lot better about the prospect of moving again. It was stressful at one point, but lately I've been feeling extremely relaxed. I'm a little worried about finding the right place, but I do believe that it will be ok. It's odd - in the past few days a sense of peace and optimism has come over me. I'm not looking forward to all the work that has to take place, but somehow I know that it will all be ok.
As an aside: did you know that the guy who played the Karate Kid was 22 when he filmed the movie in 1983? Who would've thought?
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It's time to go to bed and I'm not sleepy.
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Word of the Day: Ad hoc, meaning for the special purpose or end under consideration.
A lot has been happening within the last little while. My housing situation is imploding.
For those of you who don't know, I recently moved. I moved into a very complex situation (which I am not going to elaborate on much here). The landlord is under serious financial stress and has "vented" to me more than once about his $15,000/month mortgage, and all the expenses that he has to pay.
My thought on this is that I simply don't care. He made bad choices, and that's why he's fighting bankruptcy. That's not my problem to deal with. I'm not living here for him, or to solve his financial problems - I'm here to simply to live and to become independent.
Two days ago my housemate and I received a letter stating that the rent is being raised by one hundred dollars a month plus utilities. Our landlord insists that we should not take this personally, but that we should understand his situation. He even tried to pull the guilt trip line because, if we truly understood and cared, we would want to pay the extra money - right?
Wrong. My housemate and I are heading down to the tenancy office on Friday, and have begun looking for other places to live. While what he is doing is not legal (the law states that a tenant must be living in the accommodation a year before a rent increase is made), we have no intention of staying here. We will not live and pay money to someone who we cannot respect or trust.
So I'm back in the situation I was in a few months ago, looking for the right place to live. Though this time I have a roommate, which helps greatly with the stress of the situation. We've also got the law on our side, so we don't need to feel (too much) pressure to leave right away.
I'll update you all on what's going on as events unfold.
And Sarah - please don't mention this to dad. He'll find out soon, I just don't want him to stress about a situation that he can't help in.
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