The post-breakup blues seem to have subsided. I wasn't sad for very long. I knew I wouldn't be. I miss our nightly chats - they made me feel more sociable then I am -but other than that, it's ok.
Tomorrow I've got a dentist and massage appointment.
I'm finding a crush on a friend very inconvinient. I thought I had kicked it in December, but it's come back full force the more I spend time with him. It would be better if I didn't see him every other day, and if he didn't have a girlfriend.
I just keep thinking about him. And resisting the urge to txt him. And then I think about how I shouldn't be thinking about him because it's really just doing myself a disservice, and I therefore think about him some more.
I haven't felt this way in a while - I swear I'm back to being 16 again. You know the feeling that I'm talking about: the one where your stomach goes in knots everytime you think about the possibility of a relationship. When you look forward all week to the day that you get to spend the most time with him. When you're elated on the drive home because you just had so much fun with him. When you realize that the better friends you become, the better looking he gets.
He asked me what the final straw was that made me break up with my (ex)boyfriend. If only he knew...
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I am officially single, as of last night.
We had "the talk". It's sad, because there were no real problems, we just both agreed that we weren't becoming closer and that it wasn't going to develop into anything further.
It's sad. I like him, and I miss him. He's been a good friend. I don't want him to be out of my life.
This next stage of my life is when I'm going to need my friends close to me. A lot is changing very quickly, and right now I feel like I have very little stability.
But right now I'm not scared, and I'm not worried, I'm just sad that it had to end.
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I am a board breaking machine. Two out of three breaks first attempt, one combonation break on the third (the first two inch break I got every time, the one inch round part took me the three times). All in all, I broke 11" of wood on three separate breaks that night.
But not just the board breaks were good. The form was ok, and the self defense was pretty fun. I had a great partner who made me look good. I couldn't have done it without him.
Thank you to all who came out to watch. Your guys' support means a lot to me.
There will be pictures to come, courtesy of Kora.
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It's hard to realize that you can do absolutely nothing to help a situation that you're stuck in. I'm in three at the same time - and none of them I got myself into. They all jumped on me from out of the blue.
I hate not being able to do anything. I like to confront problems head on and fix them. If it's a person, I talk to them about it. If it's a technique I'm having trouble with, I work on it until it's improved. There's something I can do in almost every situation.
For the first time in what seems like years I find myself completely powerless to help anything. There's no real problems in the sense of a conflict, so there's nothing to fix - and therefore nothing I can do. All I can do is wait. So for the time being I am completely powerless. And I wouldn't mind as much if the cards were falling in my favour.
I see everything spiralling downward, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I feel lonely. Lonely and very, very sad.
Where is everyone?
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Just when you get comfortable...Life throws you curveballs.
Just when I thought I had some idea of how my life would be for the next little while, suddenly it's all changing. I didn't ask for changes; they've ambushed me.
Some of them are self induced. Within the past few days I've come to realize that I've got to change a few things, for the greater good of all. More details to come.
I feel like I'm on the edge of this huge cliff, about to jump off. It's scary but, at the same time, exciting. I feel like big things are in the works. And I can't even fathom how different life will be just a few years from now.
A part of me longs for monotomy. Just a few months of things being the same would be great, so that I can at least partly believe that I have some control over what's happening in my life.
But that isn't God's way. He waits till you think you've got things figured out and then all the sudden you find out that nothing is the way that you percieved it the first time around. But I have to believe that he's got my best interests in mind.
If you need me, I'll be in Mexico with Mr. Eirikson.
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