For starters, dad has told mom that he doesn't think that we should move. Now he's saying that we should wait until the next election (which makes a lot more sense). This, of course, is exactly opposite to the position he held just a few months ago.
You would think I'd be happy to hear we're not going to move, but I'm really not. It took me months to get to the spot where I had accepted it and was actually looking forward to it. Now, to have it all changed suddenly, throws everything for a loop.
I thought I had some kind of direction, I thought I had a grasp on where my life was going. I thought that a year ago as well, when I found out that my parents were thinking of moving. This is big. It may change not only where I will live, but which school I will go to. I felt led to a certain group of people and a certain place, and now I'm just not so sure anymore.
Not only that, it gives me a choice now, which makes it a lot more difficult. Do I still move, even though I'm no longer being forced? I want to move, there's no doubt about that. Moving now would allow me to take smaller steps, so that I can get used to it and go back and forth between houses.
My potential roommate has also bailed, leaving me looking for a one bedroom suite instead of a two. It was an almost sure thing, and then she talked to her parents - they don't want her to move. So they pointed out all and any kind of flaws that they could think of, and suddenly she wasn't so sure anymore. It's no surprise that she's decided not to.
So everything that was at one time coming together has fallen apart. It's amazing how life can turn around so quickly. I'm trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me through this, but I can't see it. I feel like this is something that is being done to me. I feel like my feelings are being played with by various people, and that those involved are being selfish and not thinking of who their decisions affect.
I don't understand why things just can't go well for me. Why everything has to be a struggle. I'm confused and I'm tired, and overall just sick of everything.
posted by Lisa @ 11:15 PM
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